(A Two-part Story-Essay)
Part 1: My Experience and Feelings
“Mornings and Airports."
Overview
I will present here my story on an activity that I considered to be a very compelling one. This just happened recently, but in the end of its course I realized, with bitterness and frustration, that making such activity was a hopeless thing, in such a way that it partly affected some usual routines in my life. My efforts and strategies were practically useless in trying to present something to someone. It took me time to look on it.
That something is my beautiful gift of friendship, which knows no boundaries or social status like the person offering it, and the someone I tried to offer it is, whether one objects or agrees, someone I saw only once, but her face has remained in my mind until now. I just couldn't understand why do I have such intense feeling for this person. My gift of friendship for this person resulted in my intense infatuation for her, or foolish self-orchestrated desire to have her as a new hope for me. Maybe I was just carried away by her beauty, or so I think. Now, looks can really deceive.
This time I will narrate how I got carried by this person whom I only saw once but I just cannot take my thoughts of her: A flight attendant, or stewardess for females.
This is part 1 of my essay, which talks of my personal experience when I saw the flight attendant, and its after effects on me, while part 2 focuses on my self-observation and analysis on the efforts I have done just to show and give her my gift of friendship, sadly a tragedy for me in the end. Also on part 2 are my questions I want to raise for the flight attendant who outright dismissed my gift, which had me frustrated and left me a feeling of no respect for myself.
This is how it happened...
What happened on May 28, 2009?
From Cebu to Manila, once again after 12 years. This was when the Daydreamer embarked on his journey to Manila, a place he hasn't been to for a decade and 2 years. It was summer time still, out from school after a period of torture on discussions and exams. On the dawn of that date, I arrived at Mactan-Cebu International Airport with my mom, the two of us on our journey to the big city. We were waiting for PR 844 which was scheduled to fly at 6.45am.
The flight attendant. As we entered the plane, I noticed somebody in there...this somebody would strike me that much!!!Well, first impressions last. This somebody is a tall, charming flight attendant who's a noticeable figure in the airplane. For respect, I will just nickname her “Chinita”, though I very much know her name . Now back to my narration, she was the only person who struck a cord on my psychiatric thoughts, especially when I saw her radiant face and statuesque figure. I thought, while I was inside the plane, that she was performing her job gracefully and with allure (I may sound like somebody who saw a flight attendant perform his/her job for the very first time). Through this thing I saw, I was amazed by her.
While I was aboard, I have to observe proper rules when I was there, thinking that I am not at my own home, rather I'm inside a public transport, mixed with many people, and Chinita among the flight crew serving passengers. What I only did was to enjoy the view on the large window beside my seat while the plane flew, and to talk with my mom while I'm behaving properly to avoid being reprimanded by the flight crew watching the passengers. Anyway, I don't need to emphasize much how she demonstrated her work, as long as I appreciated it. In my mind, my thoughts are playing at me again...it looks like I want to do something... I don't want to leave the airplane when we arrive in Manila without getting acquainted with this charming attendant...
I got her name. An hour later that early morning, the plane arrived in Manila, making its stop at NAIA 2. Me and my mom were the last to get out, so Chinita came to our spot to assist us. Before that, through some cleverness I did not really display, I had this quick glimpse of looking at her name plate, thus I was able to get her name, though the first name would be the one that will stick on my mind from that day I saw her. Cleverness is indeed part of being human. I excellently did this without her knowledge, or else if she noticed my moves then she would have suspected me of having a dark intention, as she did to me months later after I saw her. For the mean time, I will continue on my experience seeing her...
A short conversation of me and her...we could have known each other,almost. Now was our turn to get out of PR 844, and I was also the last to do it. Before I did that, I again showed some cleverness when I saw her standing in front of the door, by not following my mom in going out of the plane. I did that because...I wanted to see her for the last time. Gosh, my “chick boy” instinct is at it again, where my tendency of trying to know the names and whereabouts of beautiful girls is shown in a gentle manner, the usual I do when I'm at it. But some force inside of me had my tongue tied when I made a short talk with her (until now I still very much regret why it happened that way, and if I could, I would change that conversation to a special one wherein me and Chinita would have made first impressions on each other), and instead of a meaningful conversation, it turned out to be an equally petty talk, and it went:
Chinita (flight attendant; standing in front of the door): Thank you for riding...(airline company need not be mentioned)
Daydreamer (myself; looking at her nicely, feeling infatuated): Thank you...(I pause for a few moments...then...) Ahm, taga-Cebu ka, miss?
Chinita (looking at me also in a charming way) : Hindi po...Taga-Maynila po...Bakit?
(I haven't remember already what I replied to her after she answered)
I will give my analysis on this stupid conversation I made with her on Part 2.
After I went out of the plane, my mind was becoming more focused on her, especially when I later saw her going down at the arrival area carrying her large bag with wheels, along with her
colleagues, thus another safe journey has been accomplished.
Seeing her was a spice-up on my vacation to Manila. Yes it's true. I did not expect, honestly, that I would feel such intensely on that girl. I can note that she spiced-up the start of my vacation in the big city which occurred for only 3 days, but indeed, as a normal person, her presence put a lasting impression to me, and like others, this thought called infatuation would spring up from my mind. My thoughts always had her for the entire time when I was in Manila, and when I was at my father's apartment where I stayed for the whole period, immediately I opened up Friendster and searched her name, her profile being the first entry. This is where I introduced myself “informally” on her, and requesting her to be my friend. When time came that I had to return again to Cebu City, on May 31, I expected that I would have a glimpse of Chinita again at the terminal, but sadly, it did not happen anymore.
My own flight of fancy after i saw her. When I returned to my hometown, this is the time when my feeling of admiration and foolish desire (read: infatuation) for Chinita went on full blast, especially on the month of June (even til now, though I already gave up on her, but I will discuss this on the analysis portion of my writing) when it became prevalent on me. At least, classes for the incoming semester have not yet started, and I enrolled already. So I have the time and freedom to fancy my memory of her. By this time, my mind always thinks of her, my mouth mentions her name, and I even bragged about her to my friends in college, though the chosen ones only , that I talked of seeing her inside the airplane during the start of my vacation to Manila.
In short, I have daydreams of her now...
My brain only has her as the main subject, the hot topic of it, and the one longed by my heart to see and be with again.
Sent a letter and a poem on a long, pink envelope. Now that I had this intense feeling for her, I devised something that I hoped would serve as a mode of communication for both of us, as I was not fully contented with what happened when I saw her last May 28. I wanted to do a creative act, hoping that through my efforts she would recognize and give chance to my offer of friendship for her.
How? By writing a letter and a poem for her...creatively done by the Daydreamer.
First, my poem I composed for her took a few days to finish, choosing the right words and creating the art work, to fully express my appreciation for Chinita. Second, I wrote a letter, later encoded along with my poem, honestly telling her my personal experience and my appreciation and intent of friendship for her.
I put them all on a long, pink envelope, and before I sent it on June 12, Independence Day, I kissed the envelope, with the fervent hope that Chinita will reply to my letter and appreciate my poem I made just for her. My mom carried my letter, as she traveled again for Manila that day (I was left in Cebu), and gave it to another flight attendant (my mom rode the same airline, FYI), maybe much to her surprise why some passenger gives an item to her colleague, and when my mom gave it she mentioned Chinita's real name, the attendant replied, “Ah, si... sige, I will hand this over to her” (again, her name I withold, with due respect) .
But what happened to that item I sent her? Gosh, I don't need to know...I will tackle this on the analysis and observation portion.
Facebook: The final request. Aside from searching her on Friendster, I also searched her on the fast becoming popular site Facebook. I found her there, and as usual, my request, and my reminders that I am here for her, through messages.
An infatuation clouded by frustration. Why did this situation came?
It's because in the long time that I have been waiting for her reply in any of the communication I made for her, this seems to be certain, though I disregarded this: She doesn't seem to give a damn on my intent of friendship for her. Oh, if this is the case, why?
Although at first I deliberately ignored the situation, I have noticed that during that time so far, she never replied to any of the means of communication I sent to her from that moment I expressed my intent of friendship to her. Well, if what became of this, I will just discuss on Part 2.
For the meantime, more of my story to recount now...
My ridiculous message for her on Facebook, and its outcome... After many days, which turned to weeks, still on June, I felt that Chinita was not that interested in becoming friends with me. She has ignored my friend request for her on Facebook twice already. The Daydreamer, apparently disheartened by her inattention, sent a message that expressed his dismay on his crush for not paying attention to his offer of friendship, much of it already stated on my letter for her. The message read like this (though this seems so ridiculous and uncalled-for, but I sent it already):
It's time to land the plane,after a journey of infatuation...Mga pagkakataon na nakaukit lang sa hangin...Thanks for giving me a try.
Only some parts of the message are shown here, the ones I remember. I forgot the others. By the way, I sent it on June 27, late afternoon.
Seems ridiculous, doesn't it? But the Daydreamer (this is me) has explicitly stated that he wants to quit his intent of friendship for his crush, Chinita, the flight attendant.
My stupidity (yes, mea culpa) in sending that message later took a sudden stroke at me when some stranger sent out a message, and it occurred the next day. That stranger, though I read his message a few days later, claims something that really shocked me and put me in awe.
Who is he anyway? He says that he is Chinita's boyfriend.
As in, b-o-y-f-r-i-e-n-d. Oh, I will just call him Dranreb. It took time for me to deal with him.
I will reserve more of this for Part 2, on the heading argumentum ad hominem.
After exchanging messages with Dranreb, I decide to abandon my friendship for Chinita. On the late night of August 7, sensing that my lonely battle for Chinita's friendship is already on the bitter end, and that my chances are becoming dim, I gave my “sincere apology” to both of them (yes, that's it) for my constant disturbance on them, especially Chinita.
This is my experience during and after I saw that charming but unwitting flight attendant.
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